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[29 May 2006|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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blue october- hate me |
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I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
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| .. think about the lyrics |
[16 Jun 2005|08:35am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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blake shelton: austin |
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she left without leaving a number
said she needed to clear her mind
he figured she'd gone back to austin..
cuz she talked about it all the time
it was almost a year
before she called him up
three rings and an answering machine
is what she got:
if you're callin' bout the car, i sold it
if this is tuesday night im bowling
if you've got something to sell..
you're wasting your time
i'm not buying
if its anybody else, wait for the tone
you know what to do
and p.s. if this is austin..
i still love you
the telephone fell to the counter
she heard but she couldnt believe
what kind of man would hang on that long
what kind of love that must be
she waited three days and then she tried again
she didnt know what she'd say
but she heard three rings and then:
if it's friday night im at the ball game
and first thing saturday if it don't rain
im heading out to the lake
and i'll be gone
all weekend long
but i'll call you back when i get home
on sunday afternoon
and p.s. if this is austin..
i still love you
this time she left a number
but not another word
then she waited by the phone on sunday evening
and this...
is what he heard:
if you're callin bout my heart
it's still yours
i should've listened to it a little more
then it wouldn't have taken me so long
to know where i belong
and by the way boy..
this is no machine you're talking to..
can't you tell, this is austin
and i still love you
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[15 Jun 2005|11:51am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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how do you like someone so far away? and so soon?
i think i know exactly what it is.. i never stopped caring. we havent talked that much and i havent seen him. but yet i feel like im falling for him.
it must be that i never let go. i know it seemed like i moved on sometimes but it never lasted because it wasnt you. and you've had your share of relationships.. but did you ever stop and think that maybe it wouldnt work out? did you ever think about me at a random time and think of how it used to be. did you ever think about me? im hoping that at some point me- or our relationship crossed your mind.
but why would it? i ended it. i walked away. and now that its too late im finally waking up.
and i dont understand why im even thinking about this. we were together for what? 2 months? and we've both had longer relationships since then.. but why am i still trying to hold on to you?
i dont know. i dont know anything right now. the way we ended was horrible. and i made it that way.
but now im going back to 9th grade when janely had in her agenda:
God only makes happy endings so if it isnt happy then it isnt the end.
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[14 Jun 2005|07:08am] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Destiny'sChild |
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i talked to cameron for three or four hours the night before last. two years later and im still not over it.
i blame them for not telling me that i was doing something stupid. i blame them for not telling me sooner
as much as i'd like to place the blame on everyone else- i should've seen it. dont know why im just realizing this.. it all makes sense. every bad relationship since then.. all the wrong. it was because i already knew what the best was like.
i know that it was a long time ago and not for long at all. but thats not what counts.. it's been you all along
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[10 Jun 2005|09:37pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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brian mcknight- anytime |
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michael is trying to get ahold of cameron for me. i want to talk to him so bad. but then he asked me what i'd say if i talked to him. thats the thing. i mean i said i dont know because i dont. but at the same time things are coming out of my head and i dont know what is real and whats true.
im scared. honestly. im scared to death of talking to him. what if its not over for me? i dont know that even after so long i can still say that it wasnt a mistake.. letting go.
right now it was. i had that. i had it all. that feeling.. he gave it back. and i gave it up.
i dont know that we deserve second chances. i can change my mind a million times about it but i still dont know. but i want one anyway.. i want to be forgiven and i want you to tell me that its ok..
so if you ever see this.. if you're ever reading this..
tell me its ok
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[17 Aug 2004|08:16pm] |
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life sucks...
and that's all i have to say about that
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